wit & shit

• 14: days left in the semester
• 20: xanax left to see me through
• 2: nights i have slept on the floor, next to my bed, with the fruit flies, refusing to get into bed until i had ‘regained my dignity’
• 2: number of times i did that soberly
• 6: major mental breakdowns
• 1: number of times i fell down our entire flight of stairs because i am an old woman and help, i’ve fallen and i can’t (won’t) get up
• 250: approximate number of bowls i’ve smoked
• 4: times i have skipped class specifically to make unnecessary crafts
• 1: tuna casserole made (soberly) at 1:30 a.m. (great depression housewife skillz, see me)
• 3: bottles of wine stolen from the ex-president’s cellar
• 100: approximate number of fruit flies i have killed by hand
• 300: approximate number of fruit flies i have killed through whiskey traps
• 1: number of actual flies i trapped in my ceiling light, then duct taped shut in order to watch it die (no guilt. it was loud and a show-off.)
• 20: times i have said “that’s it, i’m dropping out!”
• 50: estimated number of times i have gotten out the hot glue gun as a remedy for anxiety