wit & shit

catalogliving:

We had been married 15 years when I discovered Gary’s skull vase and at that point, really, what was I going to do?

Let me tell you all about my new favorite human being. I call her Peanut Girl. Because homegirl is mad allergic to peanuts. Like, if you eat a Reese’s and then breathe anywhere near her, she’ll go into anaphylactic shock and shit. At first I only knew her through the bright-ass signs posted around campus saying something to the effect of ‘Don’t bring your motherfucking peanut-buttery hands into this classroom, or risk being accessory to murder’. Or whatever. I’m getting off-topic.

The point is that Peanut Girl is actually much, much weirder than I could have imagined. Up until a few days ago, all I knew of this mysterious Allergic to Peanuts Person was that they were allergic to peanuts. Turns out that my beloved roommate has Physics lab with this chick, who is apparently also Asian (unrelated, but I’m trying to give you a good visual for later on).

On the first day of lab they all had to say something about themselves and homegirl introduces herself by saying “You can call me Peanut. That way you remember to never eat peanuts around me. Ever.” She then went ahead and let everyone know that she’s “really into embalming, especially roadkill”, and that one time a dear got hit on her road, so she dragged it into the woods behind her house and waited for it to rot so she could take its skull. Which she keeps. In her room. In a jar of formaldehyde.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I give up on this school. One too many weirdos.