December 2009
53 posts
What?
Like you guys haven’t been listening to the Ghostbusters theme song on repeat for a solid half hour? Am I the only one who’s man* enough to admit it?
*I’m jk’ing, you guys. I’m not a man. Just a mangirl who really likes Ghostbusters and smoking herself retarded. Classy ladyyy alert!
In a World of My Own- Alice in Wonderland
Yo,...
molls:
You know what it’s like when you can’t fall asleep because you started thinking about what it would be like if raccoons ate your feet?
Molls, have you been tripping on Lariam?
Confession Time
I think it’s time to admit… I did not see any lions while in Africa. Or elephants, zebras, tigers, or giraffes. I mean, I saw plenty of monkeys and hippos and hyenas and bushbuck and crocodiles, but I can’t help but feel a distinct sense of failure for not having seen so many ‘typically African’ animals. I feel like I let down that stereotype of Africa, and in my...
You’re a Wolf- Sea Wolf
Gypsy woman? Lips...
I Dated
readblackberryjewsqueeze:
a girl named Rachel in college. For the life of me and I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking about her tonight. She’s been dating the same boy since we broke up more or less. I’m glad she’s happy.
I got home early from Xmas parties tonight and found my way to Facebook. I saw some pictures of her with my old college girlfriends. She looks pretty stellar, but again...
I posted this many moons ago, but it bears...
The gift that keeps on giving...
Did you guys know that Snuggies are very absorbent? They are! I’ve seen commercials for the ShamWow and I’ve been tempted (haven’t we all?), but once I figured out that I could spill things on my Snugg and they would disappear in an instant all on their own, what’s the point of a separate piece of cloth?
That’s right. Snuggies. All the (infinite) benefits of a...
My brother just handed me a Whopper and referred to me as ‘Young Stunna’. He also just told my father that I “think Sprite is for losers”. He knows me too well!
“I’m like, ‘Chill Out, Freckles McGee’”
– Mike “The Situation”
Glad to be back in Amurrika.
This is Academia!
Robinson and I are in the habit of taking for-credit gym classes during which we cool-up (Arbor Mist) and warm-down (post-class vape session). It worked particularly well last semester with Lawn Sports, and I’m hoping that Recess: Greatest Hits (read: Arbor Mist and Vapor Mist) works just as splendidly. Clearly I am doing great things with my college career, although, really, if they...
CLASSY.
If I don’t answer your phone calls in the next day or two, please understand that it is only because I am very busy shoving dumplings and duck sauce and brisket and yogurt and tomato soup and cookies down my gullet, and bumbling around in my Snuggie whining about how cold it is and avoiding unpacking because I don’t even know what the heck is in those suitcases other than probably some...
BREAKING NEWS:
It is ungodly cold on this side of the ocean. December 16th is extraordinarily colder than December 15th was.
4rmspring →
Look! Now you can ask me questions because I am SO INTERESTING AND YOU CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF ME. Isn’t that exciting?
Brad Pitt
molls:
by Aaron Smith
With cotton candy armpits and sugary Crevices, sweat glazing your donut skin. Have you ever been fat, Brad? Have you ever wanted a Snickers More than love and lain on your bed While the phone rang and rolled one On your tongue, afraid to eat it, afraid It would make your jeans too tight? Have you Barfed, Brad, because you ate it, Ate all the take-out, licked ...
Who knew?
Moving to West Africa is basically a guarantee that you are going to become obsessed with Akon, and start to think he’s deep, that he ‘gets it’, and you really feel the music. And then you hear lyrics like “You were my homie lover friend” and wonder why you’ve smoked yourself retarded and why you’re still awake at 4:30 in the morning.
A quick lesson on the trick to telling great...
Make it as boring as possible. Tell it as if it’s the most interesting story you’ve ever heard of, as if you will burst if you don’t tell someone RIGHT NOW because it’s so crazy. And then move on as if it never happened. It will instantly be the best joke you’ve ever told. Girl Scout’s Honor.
Here are some examples:
“I used to drive through Delaware and...
Endorphins on Endorphins!
Caroline hung 2 green beans out of her mouth and called herself a gangrenous walrus.
Meredith used the George Washington card in Apples to Apples when the category was ‘Revolutionary’.
Elena slammed her hands on the table at breakfast this morning and repeatedly yelled “CAPITALISM!” excitedly. (It’s funny because she’s Russian.)
If I’ve said it once,...
FUCK YES HOUSING!
I don’t have to live in my car next semester! Elaaaaaaaaaated!
a note to any sister out there with a broken heart
molls:
It took three weeks, but then I woke up the other morning and I was like “Ha-HA! I am still fly as shit for dayz!”
When I was upset, I thought it would never end. The first week, I thought I was going to die at some point every day. But then I guess I passed a mirror or something because I’ve been feeling like the flyest bitch in the game for the last like, week and a half.
Can’t help...
Spare-Ohs - Andrew Bird
I Man Needs a Real Woman- Lil Wayne
He is the...
HEARTBREAK →
Nothing in the world could be as sad or as expected as this. Eldersburg, stop deteriorating!