February 2012
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reasons ovechkin and i would have a perfect...
he barely speaks english, despite having been in the u.s. for daaaaays. this is a key point, because talking to him would generally end in frustration/disappointment because…
he’s pretty fucking dumb. i like the upper hand, am i right, ladies? lolol
gives me an excuse to work on my beloved russian accent/visit ruska!
plays for the caps/my boys. i will make all of them my best...
January 2012
15 posts
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some things i've done in 2012:
searched for jobs on the game show network
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In other news, DUH. →
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word combinations i've seen in 2k12:
best: philosophy mullet
worst: moist gangrene
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some things i've done in 2012:
ate a family-sized mac & cheese from wawa
heckled a bartender named pete when he didn’t know how to make me a kentucky lemonade (mama needs her bourbon)
gotten high enough that i could feel my lymphatic system breaking down toxins
saw a bunch of fucked up fetuses and skulls (and grover cleveland’s back skin! and a slice of einstein’s brain!) at the mutter museum
had a...
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December 2011
26 posts
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goodbye 2011,
a year of protests, natural (and unnatural) disasters, scandanavian cold, israeli warmth, and rebecca black’s ‘friday’.
on to the next.
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important thoughts i've had since elementary...
roseart crayons are fucking bullshit.
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met some old friends for dinner last night,
insisted i was on a strict “celery and bourbon” diet, then proceeded to only eat celery and drink a veritable shit-ton of kentucky lemonade.
i think i’m on to something.
witandshit asked: META, bitch
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decisions
debating doing something ‘big’ with the blog for 2012. ideas floating around in my stoney baloney head. or maybe i’ll just continue to be a lazy piece of shit. thoughts?
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important information
why would you want to write cover letters when you could be getting high and checking blake anderson (from workaholics)’s facebook because you’re genuinely concerned for his health?
after being led to anders’ facebook, i decided to scope out his wife situation. you know, get an idea of what these bromeo’s are putting a ring on these days.
YOU GUYS. anders is married to a...
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new resume/marketable skills, pt 2:
being a wife. great at that shit. for reference, see my husband, cjh. intended/desired spouses include ovechkin, gordon-levitt, gosling, and blake from workaholics. i can housewife that shit up with the best of ‘em. cooking, cleaning, decorating, hosting, child-rearing, nagging? all qualities i come with. full package lady over here!
driving large vehicles. state-certified to drive large...
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fucking talented →
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new resume/marketable skills, pt. 1:
excellent at sleeping. in bed, a car, a bus, a plane, you name it. any place, any time, i’m a professional dozer. no ambien needed, as sleep is already my addiction. rip van parys/rachel van winkle.
excellent at eating. do you need someone who is very good at eating? i’m your girl. i will eat a lot. i will eat it slowly, so i can convince myself i’m being healthy! at all times...
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R-Wills Writes a Book on His Love for Indians
perezhamilton:
And the bat-shit crayzay award of the week goes to… R-Wills! Only HE would write a nice educational book about the Indians.
R-Wills, founder of Rhode Island, has wrote a book called A Key Into the Language of America. In it he describes Indian languages of New England.
SNORE. Oops, sorry, that book sounded so boring we fell asleep!!
We can’t believe how obsessed with...
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some things:
the beloved oldsmobile is on its way out. i am now the proud owner of a buick. from a boat to a spaceship, it’s every 21 year old’s dream.
25 pages of writing stand between the semester from hell and going home.
sold weed to someone born in 1992. a BABY! a fetus! not yet a fully-formed human being!
painted my nails in a lisa frank neon cheetah style and ate a lot of french toast...
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she speaks my heart →
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When an adult took standardized tests forced on... →
hitrecordjoe:
leftcoastjane:
wow and oy!
alyson-noele:
rapisoffensive:
This was written by Marion Brady, veteran teacher, administrator, curriculum designer and author.
By Marion Brady
A longtime friend on the school board of one of the largest school systems in America did something that few public servants are willing to do. He took versions of his state’s high-stakes standardized...
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Coke Talk: Coke Talk of the Year →
coketalk:
I’ve decided that I’m officially done living in Hollywood. I haven’t picked which sunny corner of Los Angeles will be my new stomping ground, but then again, it was never about my zip code. When I say I’m done with Hollywood, what I really mean to say is, I’m done being a kid.
Hollywood was…
Preaches it.
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November 2011
21 posts
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Bouncin’ Back (Bumpin’ Me Against the...
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the semester that stomped out my spirit: by the...
14: days left in the semester
20: xanax left to see me through
2: nights i have slept on the floor, next to my bed, with the fruit flies, refusing to get into bed until i had ‘regained my dignity’
2: number of times i did that soberly
6: major mental breakdowns
1: number of times i fell down our entire flight of stairs because i am an old woman and help, i’ve fallen and i...
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identity crisis
i’ve started going to the gym again. every day. i no longer have an appetite. i haven’t been sleeping through the night. isn’t the gym supposed to make you hungry? and tired?
sleeping and eating are two of my very favorite activities, two of the very few things i am skilled at. i am having an identity crisis, i don’t even know who i am anymore.
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found my new dream pet →